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까마귀는 어디서 죽을까!
오늘은 서울땅에 비가 내린다.
좀 추워져서 남방을 틀어야 할 정도다.
비를 뿌리는 저 하늘은 무채색이다. 흰색과 검정색을 잘 배합해야하는....화선지에 옮겨 넣어야 하는 숙제가 있다면 채도를 맞추기가 참 어려울 것같은 그런 회색빛이다.

오늘의 하늘 빛은 유학시절 기숙사에서 바라보던 하늘 빛과 많이도 닮아 있다. 삼사층 건물 높이의 한 그루 나무와 캭--캭-- 울어대는 까마귀만 있다면...그럼 나는 무의식적으로 좀 두꺼운 옷을 챙겨 입고, 콤비니에 갈준비를 할지모른다. 거의 매일매일 숙제와 구상을 해야하는 그 시절에 유일한 휴식이란 콤비니에 가서 백엔짜리 그레이프후르츠 쥬스와 오니기리를 사는 일이었기 때문이다.
그 그레이프 후르츠쥬스는 500미리나 되었고,마시면 정신이 확 날정도로 쉬었다. 과일 섭취가 적은 나에게 유일한 비타민 원이었던 것이다.

추억의 기숙사는 ㄷ 자 모양으로 3층이었다. 좀넓었으며,방만 50개가 넘었던 것으로 기억한다.어김없이 그 방들은 유학생들로 꽉 차있었다. 물가도 비싸고 방도 좁아터진 일본의 동경에서 그나마 싸고 방도 넓은 편이었기 때문이다.

나의방은 맨 윗층 의 316호....
환기가 잘 되고 채광이 참 좋은 곳이었다.
큰 창밖으로는 언제나 서 있는 나무 한그루와 어김없이 울어대는 까마귀들이 있었다.
중닭만한 까마귀들이 , 날씨마저 꾸물꾸물 하건만 ,나무에 걸터앉아 일제히 울어대기까지 한다. 거리에는 걸어다니는 사람하나 없었고,언제나 산더미처럼 쌓여있는 숙제들과 재료를 사서 얇아진 지갑을 들쳐 보면서 막막한 서글픔을 느끼곤 했었다. 까마귀는 왜 저리도 울어대는지.....

까마귀 소리에 눈을 뜨고 까마귀소리에 잠을 청하는 시간들이 계속되면서 저 많은 까마귀들은 언제 어디서 어떻게 왜 죽을까하는 궁금증이 생기기 시작했다.
몇명에겐가 이런 시덥잖은 질문을 하긴 햇던 것같은데...다 들 별 관심들이 없는 눈치였다.
그래서 그렇게 잊고 살쯤...... 까마귀의 변사체를 밝견하고 말았다

졸업 작품으로 밤낫없이 신경을 쓰고 있었고, 건강 상태 또한 많이도 안 좋아졌으며, 신경도 날카로와져 있었던 것으로 기억한다.
지쳐있었다고 말하는 게 옳을 것이다.
눈을 뜨고 창밖을 보니,햇 빛은 쨍쟁햇고,날은 무지 추웠다. 지각이다.학교에 갈까말까 이불을 뒤집어쓰고 한참을 고민한 후에야 무거운 마음으로 보따리 장수처럼 짐을 한 가방 챙겨들었다.
귀가 떨어질 만큼 애린 겨울 바람을 맞으며, 정류장을 향할 즈음 ,너무도 의외의 장소에서 의외의 모습으로 죽어 있는 까마귀를 보았다.
만약에 까마귀가 눈을 뜨고 누워있었다면, 소스라치게 놀랬을 것이다.
그러나 이 까마귀는 너무도 단정했고 , 평온하게 눈을 감고 누워있었다.그다지도 공격적이고 시끄러운 까마귀가 이렇게 친근하게 느껴지다니.....

그 오후의 햇살과 살을 애는 찬바람, 지각에 대한 불안감 ,무거운 짐을들고 서서 죽어있는 까마귀를 바라보고 있는 나, 그리고 죽어있는 까만 빛갈의 까마귀....

입체 맬로디 카드는 엽서를 열면 멜로디가 흘러나오고, 촛불이 세워지며,메세지도 쓰여져있다.

그 때의 그 기억은 한 장의 입체 멜로디 카드같다.
카드를 열면 찬 바람도 불고,햇 빛도 따갑고, 마음도 불안해지고, 그렇게 궁금하던 까마귀의 죽음도 있다.














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2011/06/09
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2011/10/23
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2011/10/23
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2011/10/23
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2012/03/04
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2012/03/04
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